What Science Class Will Drive You To. . .
by E-san
Summary: Ummm . . . . New chapter up now, the honeymoon! It sort of sucks and I included a lot of characters from FFX. Oh well. Maybe I'll get new chaps up soon
1. . . . . Odd.

OMG. I Can't believe this is our first post.  
  
Disclaimers: These are the disclaimers, yada-yada-yada, I'm lazy and don't want to type them. We own nothing. Sadly.  
  
Raine: This sucks! Our first fic and it's not even angsty! I wrote this months ago in science!  
  
E-san: I might upload some of my stories later, but I'll procrastinate.  
  
Raine: Well duh. Should've called ourselves the Queens of Procrastination. Oh well, enjoy the fic.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Sephiroth: I know you wish me to summon Meteor and blow up the world, Mother, but if I become a god what would happen to you?  
  
Jenova: Do not worry about me.  
  
Sephiroth: But-  
  
Jenova: And if you refuse to do my bidding, I shall marry Cloud Strife!  
  
Sephiroth: *jaw drops* WHAT?! Well…I don't think you would. Besides, if I destroyed the world, Zax would die. And I love him!  
  
Jenova: Zax is already dead!  
  
Sephiroth: So am I.  
  
Jenova: Good point. So will you summon Meteor then?  
  
Sephiroth: NO!  
  
Jenova: Damn you! Never did a mother have such a disloyal, disobedient son!  
  
Sephiroth: Mother! Such language! It's not good for the baby!  
  
Jenova: What baby?  
  
Sephiroth: *smirks and pats his stomach* What did you think Zax and I were doing that night? It's cold in Nibelheim.  
  
Jenova: *passes out*  
  
Zax: *appears and kisses Sephiroth* I love you.  
  
Aeris: *appears* What?! Zax, I thought you loved me! *whines*  
  
Zax: Yeah right! Why do you think I died for Cloud? I wanted him to kill your sorry, slutty ass!  
  
Cloud: *appears* But now I love her. *kisses Aeris*  
  
Tifa: *runs up* That's not what you said last night! *kicks Cloud in the jewels*  
  
Cloud: Ugh….*turns white and passes out*  
  
Aeris: Bitch! *hits Tifa weakly with her rod*  
  
Tifa: *laughs*  
  
Sephiroth: *disappears, reappears behind Aeris and shoves the Masamune through her back* Stay dead this time.  
  
Aeris: *dies*  
  
Tifa: Yay! I'm gonna go marry Vincent now! *runs off*  
  
Sephiroth and Zax: *kiss, then leave arm in arm*  
  
Jenova and Cloud: *wake up*  
  
Cloud: Hey baby. *winks*  
  
Jenova: *grabs him with her tentacles and picks up her severed head that Sephiroth left behind and makes them kiss*  
  
Later that year, the whole FF7 gang sit at the wedding of Cloud and Jenova. Sephiroth and Zax are married and Sephiroth is holding their baby in his arms. Tifa and Vincent are married and Tifa is pregnant.  
  
Cloud and Jenova: I do! *Start making out on the altar before the priest can say his lines*  
  
Priest: *gulps* Umm….you may kiss the weird blue alien….  
  
Barret: Yo foo', dis be some f*****d up shit yo!  
  
Sephiroth: *slaps his forehead* I am so f****ing embarrassed.  
  
Zax: *watching them like they're a train wreck* They seem to be enjoying themselves. . . .  
  
Cid: *to Shera* Yo bitch, why don't you ever kiss me like that?! @!$^&*&#(*&%$!  
  
Shera: *glares and mutters* Be glad I haven't killed you in your sleep!  
  
Cid: Shut up and make me some Goddamned TEA!  
  
Sephiroth: *spots Aeris* I thought I told you to stay DEAD. *chases her*  
  
Aeris: Eeeeek! *runs*  
  
Yuffie: *eating cake* I love weddings…..  
  
The End.  
  
E-san: Thank god! *wipes a tear from her eye* I always cry at weddings. . . *starts sobbing*  
  
Raine: *sighs and slaps her forehead* I can't believe I wrote this. . . . .  
  
E-san: *turns purple, trying to contain herself as tears leak out of the corners of her eyes*  
  
Raine: *sighs* Good night everyone. *leaves*  
  
E-san: *gasps and starts sobbing again* It was s-so b-beautiful. . . . !  
  
*FADE OUT*  
  
One More Note: You don't have to review, though it would be nice, mainly because we hate flamers, and any given would be promptly ignored, laughed at or otherwise, mainly because WE COULDN'T CARE LESS!!! *evil laughter* 


	2. The Honeymoon

Cloud:  *kicks the door of the honeymoon suite open and looks around*

Jenova:  *gasps*  I can't believe we're finally here!

Cloud:  *smiles, picks her up and carries her into the room*  . . . I can't believe we're actually married.  I never thought any girl would go for me!  Especially not one as beautiful as you, baby!

Jenova:  *shuts the door with one tentacle and wraps others around him*  Oh, you're so sweet!  *kisses him hard*

Cloud:  *starts to kiss her back, but . . .*

_Heard from the next room:_

Red VIII:  I hate you!

Kimahri:  Kimahri hates you more!

Red VIII:  I cannot believe I ever married you!  *sound of ring clinking on floor is heard, followed by door opening and audibly slamming*

Kimahri:  *thud is heard as he drops to his knees*  Nooo!  Why?!?!?!  Kimahri not mean what Kimahri said, Kimahri love Red VIII!!!  *big, galumphing footsteps heard as Kimahri follows Red*

_Back in the honeymooner's room:_

Jenova:  That was . . . . weird.

Cloud:  Yeah.

Jenova:  *shrugs*  Oh well.  *pins him to the bed and starts kissing him*

_And we'll fade out . . . . . ._

_Next day ~_

(Cloud is in a bright pink Speedo, and Jenova is in an itty-bitty teeny weenie yellow-polka-dot bikini . . . *giggles*  Anyway, Jenova is sunning by the hotel pool while Cloud tries to impress her doing fancy dives)

Cloud:  Watch this, baby!

Jenova:  *looks at him over her sunglasses*  . . . I'm watching . . . *said with no enthusiasm*

Cloud:  *jumps off the diving board, tries to flip, smacks head against pool wall, falls into pool unconscious*

Jenova:  *shrugs*  Eh.  *goes back to reading*

Rikku:  *surfaces from out of nowhere in the pool, in Al Bhed gear, coming up beside Cloud and pulling him to the edge of the pull so he won't drown*  Hey, are you okay?

Cloud:  *sputters*  Wha?

Jenova:  *looks up, sees them, screams*  GET AWAY FROM MY HUSBAND!!!!

Rikku:  *looks up*  Huh?

Jenova:  *launches herself at Rikku*

Rikku:  Ahhh!  *trying to get Jenova off of her*  Help!

Cloud:  *hefts giant sword that he has apparently pulled from his pink Speedo and kills Jenova*

Rikku:  *blinks*  Why'd you do that?  Wasn't she your wife?

Cloud:  Uhhhhhh . . . . . *staring at Lulu's boobs.  Lulu is for some reason sunning across the pool* 

Rikku:  *follows his gaze*  JERK!!!!!!  *hits Cloud*  YOU BIG PERVERT!!!!!!  *starts beating him up*

_~*~*~*~*~*~                         Across the pool                       ~*~*~*~*~*~_

Kimahri:  *comes running up to Lulu, looking deliriously happy*  Kimahri have good news, and Kimahri have better news!

Lulu:  Really?  What is it?

Kimahri:  Good news, Red VIII decide to stay with Kimahri!  Better news, Kimahri pregnant!

Yuna:  *walked up behind Kimahri just in time to hear that*  Wha-what?

Kimahri:  *turns to Yuna and beams*  Kimahri pregnant!

Yuna:  *faints*

Rikku:  *drags Cloud's dead body over*  Oh no, someone wake up Yunie!  She has to do a sending before this perverted jerk before turns into a fiend!

Lulu:  *sighs and casts Water on Yuna, splashing her and waking her up*

Yuna:  *sits up coughing*  . . . . What?

Rikku:  *points at Cloud's body*  You have to do a sending!

Yuna:  All right . . . *stands to do so*

_~*~*~*~*~*~                         Across the pool                       ~*~*~*~*~*~_

Sephiroth:  *in black swimming trunks, kneeling beside Jenova's body*  Mother!  NOOOO!  *pulls Masamune out of swimming trunks*  I WILL have my REVENGE!!!  *runs off*

Zax:  *blinks, looking after him*  Seph?  Don't you want a pina colada?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Raine:  *sighs*  I know, I know, that sucked.  Oh well.  Hopefully, Jenova's funeral and Sephiroth's revenge will be up soon . . . .


End file.
